No Gain? WTF??

Mood: Tired of pain

Pain Scale: 7

Weight: 133.6



I was quite surprised today at the meeting when I actually lost weight. I had to look at the number twice! I didn't have a horribly bad week food wise, but it wasn't the best either. My uterus also feels like it's about to fall out at any second. I usually always gain or stay the same when AF is near. My whole body feels like it's been someones punching bag. I hate being sooo sore all over. It's the worst at period time.-->INSERT MORE COMPLAINING AND PITIFUL WHINES HERE<--



We have a full weekend planned. Very unusual for us homebodies. We are celebrating Small's b-day (KD's partner), so we will be heading up to the city on Saturday night for some dinner and possibly drinks. Sunday we will be hanging out with our family friends B & H to watch the Super Bowl. Fun times. Hopefully I will be able to resist all the bad food!!



Monday is also our second PD appointment. It's a consult to talk about the game plan. The boys aren't able to make it. :( I was really hoping they were available so that they could hear Dr. Z recommend home inseminations before we get the White Coats involved. Oh well, J will be there and she is the most important person to convince.



I haven't written down my questions yet...don't know if I will. I might just waltz in and see how it goes. I will be bringing in all my charts so she can check them out. I don't think she has the slightest clue that I've been at this for awhile and it's turned into the Grand Experiment with cycle length averages and insemination summaries. It will be fun to see the look on her face when I hand her my Lesbian Conception Report. Hee hee hee.

Afternoon Daydreams

Mood: Excited

Pain level: 6



I can't stop thinking about March!! At work I continuously grab my calendar and look at my upcoming predicted cycle dates and daydream...



~big belly~pre-natal pilates~homemade baby food~cloth diapers~ strollers~ maternity leave~nursing~maternity clothes~birth~midwives~pregnancy test~ the announcement~baby clothes~play dates~*SIGH*



It can't come fast enough! Those boys better be ready by March or I may just have a baby breakdown!! I am soooo ready to have baby Beale-Stow!!



So...what are YOU thinking about??

Me Aching Back

Mood: Grouchy

Pain Level: 7



My back is KILLING me today. I'm not sure if it's the Fibro or what. I DO know that AF is on the way and my body always gets more painful at that time. AHHHHHHH. It makes it sooo hard to concentrate!!! I have our trusty ole raw popcorn homemade heat bag thinga-ma-jig on my neck right now. oooooo feels good. Hopefully tomorrow it will feel better. This is one of those times I wish I would have taken the Rheumatologist up on some of those muscle relaxers she offered me. :)

Baby Fever & High Rollers

Mood: Optimistic

Pain Scale: 4

Weight: 134.8



I am feeling very good and optimistic today. I feel like we're on the right track and this baby thing just may happen!! We have our PD appointment coming up in about a week. We've invited the boys as well. I hope they can make it. I think it would be good if all of us could be there. So, hopefully we will formulate a game plan so my crazy anxiety about a start day can be laid to rest.



I've lost 5.2 lbs since starting the WW meetings. I only have 15 more lbs to go till I meet my goal of 120 (although I may settle at 10 depending on baby plans). *wide grin*



AND...we have decided to go to vegas for my 30th!! This will be the first time for the both of us. What? You crazy lesbians have never been to Vegas?? We're hoping our closest friends B&H can come with us. If we do start insems in March, I will just be finding out if we're preggo or not before our flight. So, it could be bottoms up or let's look at all the baby clothes in Vegas (you think they have baby clothes on the strip?) Either way it will be a b-day to remember....although, I don't know if it can beat the b-day I jumped out of a plane!

Operation Double B

Mood: Optimistic

Pain Scale: 3

Weight: 140



Operation Boat Body



My partner and I just bought a boat and we decided we are in need of a little slimming and toning before boat season comes around!! I've been trying to lose weight to get pregnant for a year now and I can't seem to kick my own butt in gear so I'm getting someone to kick it for me and then I will go home and kick my partners. :) In theory we think it will work.



So today I attended my first Weight Watchers meeting to try and lose 20lbs. I was a little nervous at first walking in. I thought people may look at me and say "Why is SHE in here?" It wasn't too bad, the receptionist did say "Well you don't have much to lose at all!!" Hell lady, it sure feels like I do!! Everyone was friendly and it got me excited. Rah Rah Rah!!



So wish me some luck or send me vibes that make broccoli look like chocolate!!

Missing

Mood: family, family, family

Pain Scale: 7



I've been MIA for quite a while now. Sorry...needed a break. Sometimes charting for no reason just gets to you and makes the time go by soo MUCH slower. I get so obsessed with charting, stalking the boards and dreaming about what could be, that I can drive myself to insanity!!! BREATH. BREATH. As soon as I start my next cycle (which is any day now) I will be back to charting. We will be going to see the PD in the beginning of Feb. Damn, I just remembered I forgot to take my Prenatal this morning.



Christmas was good times this year. My mom and my mom-in-law were both visiting and of course they kept asking "So when are you going to start trying again?". They are both very excited and can't wait to rub my swollen belly. My mom told me that she recently had a dream that I called and told her that I was preggo with twins and asked if she could move down to help me out. She was tickled pink about it and insists we are now going to have twins! That's fine with me. I've always wanted twins and it does run in the family.



New Years Resolution: Lose 15-20 lbs and get PREGGO!!!

The Verdict is In

Mood: Tired

Pain Scale: 4



The boys are still a go!! Yeah! J had a chance to bring up the topic and they replied that they are still in it to win it! NICE. They said they would be ready around March or April (due to testing that needs to be done first). A little sad, but at least we now have a time frame of when this project will get it's spermy grant to continue on. On the positive side, this gives me time to lose more weight, build muscle in the right areas, pay off debt and get all our tests done.



So...more loud tick tock sounds from my clock while I anxiously wait for the light to turn green. So all you FF gals out there...show me some more BFPs so I can stalk and live vicariously through you until April!

We love Dr. Z!!

Mood: Happy

Pain Scale: 6



Our appointment with Dr. Z was awesome!! I was sooo nervous before going that I was a total beeyoch to J **grimace**, but my fears were put to rest! Dr. Z made me feel very comfortable and I didn't feel judged or stupid (even with her finger up my anus, suprise)! She also has these cool PD chairs instead of the regular o'le spread-um tables. Way more comfortable! **I love new technology** This doc is hip! The office staff was humorus and bubbly and they even offered J a cappuchino while she waited. AND...they had a heater going in the exam room so I dind't freeze my naked booty off! How good can it be??



She fits most of the top criteria: queer friendly, #1 hospital, infertility treatments w/fresh sperm. The only strike against her was that she doesn't work directly with a midwife. When asked this question, she replied "I don't have a "stable" of midwives, but I do have patients who use them and can give you some recommendations if you wanted to work with one." ROCK ON!!! Can I hug you??



>pinch< >pinch< Could this chick be real?? Wow, we finally found someone who is willing to help us get preggo AND deliver without prejudice! How exciting! I was also very excited that she gave me a prescription for some prenatal vitiamins, ordered prenatal blood work AND set up another appointment in Feb (J invited) to go over my charts and come up with a game plan for March! Keeper...she's a Keeper. We are definately going forward! It feels more real now! Hurry up March, I'm ready to salsa dance with the stork!

Almost time to see the PD

Mood: irritable, impatient, nervous

Pain Scale: 8



I'm sooo nervous. It's 6 days until I have to go see a stranger and talk about sperm plans, my lesbian lifestyle, and let her peak at my nether lands!!! I hate the PD!! I hope she is as open minded as she appears!! I also haven't started my period yet! I thought I would have started by now, but of course not. Nothing goes as planned. Oh well, maybe it will turn out to be just a consult.



I am soooo tired of waiting!! I just want this journey to start. Hopefully the Dr. visit will jump start it. I'm almost ready to just go with a frozen pop. To me, it almost seems easier. This has got to be one of the longest projects I've ever taken on! I'm usually a wham bam thank you mam kinda girl. None of this off on off on never reach your goal stuff!

I wish I had one!!!

This video got me rollin!!

Nothing is better than a baby's laugh!

Are we there Yet??

Mood: time confused

Pain Scale: 7



I have rescheduled our PD appointment to a more convenient time for J. The last appointment was just too early for her on a day she has to go to work*. It is now December 4 @ 1pm. *sigh* Seems so far away...but on the other hand I feel as if there isn't enough time in the day to work, study, go to school, clean the house, eat and sleep. I am feeling time confused. Time is soooo slow yet oh so fast.



Haven't heard from the boys yet about when they think we can start inseminations. In fact we haven't even spoke of it since...hmmmm...well, a couple of months ago. ^!^blink blink^!^ They had some vacations planned so we had agreed to discuss it when they got back. Well they got back the week before last and nothing yet. J says she hasn't had the right moment to bring it up. I'm going to hang out with them on Friday, but I think I too will wait until they bring it up. Well, unless I have a couple of drinks and my lips start to feel a little loose :). Funny things families. I know I shouldn't worry about it, cause nothing can happen till after that PD appointment, but part of me is just itching to hear them say "Yeah! January looks good". Ohey Vey!

---

*J is currently working the night shift on the box from 2100 - 0700

1st PD Interview Date Set

Mood: Tired

Pain Scale: 2



I've set up an appointment with an OB (otherwise known as the PD: pussy dr)that seems to maybe fit the bill. She delivers at my #1 preferred hospital, she takes our insurance and she SEEMS queer friendly. I haven't found out if she does fresh IUI or if she works with midwives. I'm not too worried about the midwife thing becuase the hospital I chose has Midwives working in the maternity ward.



Last night I couldn't sleep just thinking about the appointment. So many questions to ask. I hope that J can make it to the appointment with me, but it's @ 12:30 which for her is 4am. I'm going to call and see if I can schedule it for a monday or for a later time slot.



Onward!!! Operation baby, here we come!!

Queer Patient in a Straight World

Mood: Mad as hell

Pain scale: 6



So the time is growing nearer and we're on the hunt to find the perfect Dr. The hunt is frustrating me to death. I am very particular when it comes to who's going to be poking and proding my nether regions for 9 consecutive months! So, I suppose a lot of the frustration I'm feeling is do to my strict guidelines. This is what I'm looking for:

• Queer friendly OB


• OB that works with a midwife


• OB that has privileges at one of my preferred hospitals


• OB who's covered under our insurance


• OB who would be willing to do fresh sperm inseminations


• OB who is a very open minded and friendly person

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I tried one recommended office yesterday only to be greeted by a mean receptionist. Our conversation went like this:

---

• me: Hi, I would like to set up an annual exam.


• Meanie: Can you hold?


• me: sure


• no sound for several min
• sound of phone dropping


• Meanie: can I help you?


• me: yes, I wanted to set up an annual exam?


• Meanie: are you already a patient?


• me: no


• Meanie: what type of insurance do you have?


• me: blue shield
• Meanie: do you belong to a group?


• me: Santa Clara
• Meanie: is it HMO or PPO?
• me: HMO
• Meanie: Well our next available appointment isn't until January
• me: WOW really.....well when in January?
• Meanie: mmmmm...the 5th.
• me: is there an appointment after 3pm?
• Meanie: we don't see patients after 3.
• me: I'll call back.
• Click

---

The tone of her voice was very rude. I felt like she was judging me on the type of insurance I had. It made me sooo mad yesterday!! I've tried some other recommendations, but no luck getting in to see them so far. So, I'm still on the hunt. My social anxiety doesn't help in the least bit either!!! This is the worst! I wish there was some kind of listing with queer friendly Dr. on it. I've looked for one but haven't found one yet!

Little toes and fingers everywhere!

Mood: impatient

Pain Scale: 3



Doesn't seem like when your TTC that there is a baby or pregnant woman around every turn!! I know it's just that you notice them more than you did previously, but gosh, they are everywhere!!!

Twiddling my thumbs

Mood: high on enzymes

Pain scale: 4



Twiddle Twiddle Twiddle



Did I already say I can't wait to start??? I CAN'T WAIT TO START. Some days the times seems to slowly creep on by.



We have started a new way of eating. We are switching to an all raw diet! Yup, that means no cooked foods. It's actually easier than I thought it would be. The food is very good. I feel good. I've already lost weight. It's stupid easy. I am excited to raise a raw kid! I highly recommend this diet to everyone!! Raw food is so much better for you! You can actually feel it.

I'm the timing queen

Mood: Optimistic
Pain Scale: 6

Well, with all this spare time to practice reading my fertility signs and pinpointing ovulation, I would like to announce: "I am now able to pinpoint the week of ovulation!" (I used to have an awful time with this when we first started out.) I have somewhat unpredictable cycles, but I've come to find out they are either 35 days long or 43 days long. Don't ask me! I have no idea why AF can't decide on one or the other. And my luteal phase is almost always 15 or 16 days. So with this ammo and being able to read my CF better, I can almost pinpoint the day!! Hip Hip Hurray!!

But, in analyzing all this info, I've also come to find out that I only have a chance of becoming pregnant 8x per year compared to the average 13x. Damn it!!! I guess that gives me even more reason to look into the White Coats.

^shrug^ It's always something, isn't it?

Lesbianism is about to take over our community

Mood: Pissed off

Yesterday morning on the radio I heard a clip from a sermon that the Rev. Willie Wilson of Union Temple Baptist Church in Southeast D.C had given in 2005 about Lesbians. I almost crashed my car!! What the F*CK!! It's soo shocking to listen to. It amazes and saddens me that people didn't get up and leave, but stayed and agreed with his homophobic/chauvinistic views. I can't believe I didn't hear or read about this sooner!! Some of the things he says just make me laugh out loud they are sooo ridiculous!!

"My son in high school last year, trying to go to the prom, he said,‘Dad, I ain’t got nobody to take to the prom because all the girls in my class are gay. There ain’t but two of them straight and both of them are ugly. I ain’t got nobody to take to the prom'."
Rev Willie Wilson

I can't believe this man is teaching anything from the bible. From what I've learned from the bible he doesn't seem like a man of god at all! Ewwww it makes me soo mad! I've posted the clip below as well as an article about it in the Washington Blade. Beware, it may piss you off!

Lesbianism is about to take over our community
Washington Blade Article

Again I have to say "What the F*ck?"

To IUI or not IUI

So, it seems that the main consensus is to do IUIs this time around. Personally I would rather do our own at home. I don't really like to get Dr. involved unless we need to. I feel confident that my body can get pregnant on it's own. But, everyone else's need to have some control want to do it in a Dr.'s office. They feel like that if a Dr. is saying be here at this time it will seem more official than me saying I think we need to inseminate this week. It drives me crazy that they think I can just predict the day I'm going to O. Don't you think I wish I could?! It doesn't help me to relax at all.

Maybe going to the Dr. will be a good thing after all. Then I can blame shift all the cycle mistakes on her/him. Maybe there won't be soo much pressure. I tried to explain that I still have to call the Dr. up and say "I just hit peak. What time do you have available?" just like I would do to the KD, except in this route we're adding a third party and the office may possibly be more out of the way.

Oh well. *sigh* We're still checking out our possibilities and I'm a tad grouchy today. Maybe my words will have a little more weight in a couple months.

PS I'm also mad cause I don't think I lost any weight this week! Damnit!

Small Set Back

So our KD informed us he would like to wait a couple of months before proceeding on the baby making journey. He and his partner would like to get retested since it's been soo long since our last medical check ups. He also found a bank willing to do KD fresh sperm inseminations which also requires lots of tests and check ups to begin. Not so bad for me cause now I can really get down to my goal weight in time!

NEW TIME FRAME: November, December or January

I'm not quite sure which month we'll be starting. We still need to meet up for dinner and formally ask him again and go over all the feelings, questions and concerns involved.

J and I are considering using the new bank and doing IUIs instead of trying on our own. We're thinking this may speed up the process and help us to get preggo faster. It also takes care of the legal aspect as well. Of course there is a price tag with it as well, but it may be well worth it if it only takes us 3 tries.

So onto the hunt for a gay friendly OB who uses midwifes and works at Community Hospital of Los Gatos and takes our insurance. Whew!

Ready...Set....GO...again!!!

It's official, we are starting!!! I am very excited, but I'm also nervous!! I haven't reached the weight I really want to be. I know I shouldn't really worry about it, but I just don't want to blow up like a balloon and not be able to deflate after the baby is born! Yes, I know it's silly. Who has time to wait around to be the perfect size. After all 30 is just around the corner.

This month will be the dry run and then we will start the turkey basting in October (the next cycle). I'm currently on CD5.

I also know I said I wouldn't chart this time...but damn it I just can't help it!! I love to have that pretty graph to look at. Besides, I feel a lot more in tune with my body then the previous rounds. I've been keeping track and making mental notes this whole time regarding the timing of my ovulation. I don't think I'm as clueless as before.

Sooooo...put this link in your favorites, cause this time there is NO break. It's baby or bust!!