15 lbs and 69 days

...she said 69!

Well. I've got 15 lbs to go until the September deadline. I'm not sure if I'll make it, but I'm sure going to try my damnedest.

J shared our thoughts and plans of the upcoming prego marathon with KD the other day. We just planted the seed, we don't know if he still wants to participate at this time. I hope he still does. The question of my "condition" also came up. I ask myself that question as well. In fact it's another thing to worry about regarding "Am I doing the right thing?". Will I be a good mother if I do have FMS and I'm low energy a lot of the time? Can my body handle being pregnant? Will I pass it on?

I refuse to let it run my life!! I mean how many of you know me to let up when someone says I can't have something?? ***GRIN***

20 lbs to go

I've lost about 5 lbs so far. Only 20 more to go until the baby weight goal is met! Loosing weight is one of the hardest things I think I've encountered. It's sooo long term and once I make it, it seems I eventually gain it back just to start the weight loss journey all over again. It's a perfect plan for long term torture.

I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia last week. One of my first thoughts was, "What about pregnancy?". I've often watched, listened and read about the trials and tribulations of new moms and often wondered if I could ever muster up enough energy to care for a newborn child. This was before I even new I had a chronic illness that made me dead tired. I've been researching about the effects of Fibromyalgia and pregnancy and it seems possible, you just have to know your limits.

Check! Check! Check!

Wow. Looking back over that last post, I realize we have completed a lot of the goals on our check list!!

1) L. go down to one job (check!)
2) J. be hired by fire department (check!)
3) save for a house (bought a house. check!)
4) J. lose weight (check! I'm still working on my 25)

Soooo....that means all we have left is to pay off debt and get pregnant!! Wow how exciting! Our time frame is looking more like September at the moment. We are getting exctied as the time grows near as well as nervous! September will be here before we know it!

Kudos to us for completing so many goals in this last year!!

You could have been pregnant right now!!

Yes, we are still around. I bet you thought we dropped of the end of the earth!! Wow, it's been almost a whole year since we tried last. Can you believe that! Doesn't feel like it's been that long. Well I'm gearing up to start again. We were thinking sometime in April-May '06. We still need to bring it up with the boys and see if their even still available to be a donor.

Stats at the moment:
Me - working 2 jobs, hoping to drop to 1 in March or April
DP - working 2 jobs and attending the Fire Academy (yeah! next weekend is her last weekend)

Goals at the moment:
Me - lose up to 25 lbs. Work a regular 40 hr week.
DP - be hired by a fire department. lose up to 15 lbs.
Both - pay off debt. save for a house. GET PREGNANT.

So you will be hearing a little more from me. I haven't been charting and I don't think I plan on starting this time. But, I don't know what will happen once the mass hysteria hits and the obsession takes over. We'll see.

All I know is it's July 05

Been kind of depressed lately over the fact that nothing has taken root in my womb. It's hard to not be envious of those around me with new babies and growing bellies. I feel like it's never going to happen or that I will be too old to even start again...*sigh* I never thought I would experience that damn ticking clock, but I sure do hear it loud and clear!

Can I wait another 6-9 months before trying again? I don't really have a choice. Each time I get my period, I get a feeling of hope. Not sure if this habit from all those months of trying, but I still feel like I'm on that damn fertility roller coaster (not as intense, but none the less emotional)!

Maybe being a mother is not meant to be.

RC 3*CD 8

I think it's day 8, I'm not quite sure on that one. After being sick for about a week I kinda of lost track of time. So we are onto round 3. Not sure if we should try this cycle or not. Part of me really wants to, but the logical side says wait until things are a little more settled.

We review the pros and cons over and over again. It's so hard to make the right decision. I mean what IS the right decision?? I guess you never know until you actually make it.

I just want to be sure everything will be good for our child, I don't want to be trying to make ends meet all the time.

I know, everyone says there is no right time to have a child, but everyone will know that we HAD to plan when to have this child. I don't want to be critized more than I will already be about the timing of our childs birth.

AHHH so many politics in life. I wish I could just shut them all out and do as I damn well please!

Limbo*CD 14

Still in Limbo land waiting to start the next cycle. I feel like this break is soooo long!! In the real world 2 months usually goes by fast, but when in the TTC world the time just ticks by. tick tock tick tock.

So I'm on CD 14. I would guess I'm going to O within the next 7-10 days. I have stopped taking my temp and haven't POAS this cycle, so no info there. It's kinda nice to have a break from all the scientific rituals, but it drives part of me crazy not having any concrete visual data. KOOK!

I have also been enjoying my coffee & adult beverages during this forced break. I've lost about 5 lbs, but really want to have lost more by now. I suppose I'm having a hard time motivating myself to start running. YUCK!! (I know once I start it feels good, but just getting past that inital first week of self inflicted torture is hard). The controlling what I eat is going better at least.

One day we may have a baby. Seems so far away.

Limbo

Well just started to bleed, so unoffialy I guess I am on cycle 3. I don't know if I'm going to keep charting I think I just may try and see what happens without all the equipment.

We are supposed to try again in April, but that still remains to be debated.

Life has so many unexpected turns.

RC 2*CD 18*DPO 3

So I know for sure I ovulated sometime Jan 7th. I think even if the boys could have participated that night it may have still been too late! In April, I'm going to try and use OPKs as well as the FTMT. That way we can get a little eairlier heads up! It happend so fast this time! Wham Bam!

So I'm looking at this forced break as a positive! I've started losing weight and have figured out I can lose almost 15lbs before the next try!! Hip Hip Hooray! I don't want to be a fat mom! I want to me a MILF! So I think the motivation has finally started to kick in. Getting to the gym is still a little hard but I will make it there eventually! I want to look good for my belly pics don't I!

RC 2*CD 16

This is ONE time I wish DP was weilding a sperminating penis!

The Good: I got a peak reading today which means I will be ovulating today or tonight and that the soy milk experiment has worked!

The Bad: Today is Smalls b-day and the boys are unavailable.

Why body? Why? Out of all days you had to pick today to be it!

So we are out for this cycle and next. Why you ask next cycle? Since our necie's b-day falls in December (the only neice/grandchild on DP's side), we have decided to skip that month to make sure the b-days don't coincide. We are sooo nice!

So I guess we will be on a break for the next 2 cycles. Now I will just try to comfort my perfecly fertile egg as she bursts out only to be met by lonliness! sniff. sniff. I hear the loud ticks of my internal clock as youth waves goodbye!

RC 2*CD 14

I'm not sure about that prediction. As it goes right now I'm feeling pretty wet and ready!! I'm gonna guesstimate Feb 9th...that would be this comming wednesday. Hmmmm. It seems as if my cervix is getting softer and higher. I'm guessin' I should be seeing some EW very soon! Monitor was still at high reading this morning.

RC 2* Conception Advisor

This is what the all knowing FF Conception Advisor said about this cycle:

Conception Advisor
Ovulation Date:		Based on your stats you may ovulate between Tuesday 02/15/2005 and Tuesday 02/22/2005
Ovulation on Day #:		Around CD 27
(estimated)	Start of fertile Phase:	Friday 02/11/2005
	End of Fertile Phase:	Thursday 02/24/2005
	Start Date For Insemination:	Friday 02/11/2005
	End Date For Insemination:	Wednesday 02/23/2005

RC 2*CD 12

High, High, High.

That's the reading I got this morning when I POAS!! I was shocked. I didn't think it would be high yet, I was expecting low. Hmmmm, makes me ponder if that soy milk is really working (as I take a big swig of soy).

Last month I had 6 high days starting on CD 21. The month before that I had 13!! starting on CD 10. So who knows how long this high will be. My guess would be 5 more days then peak. I have been getting watery CM and that usually happens before the EW shows up. Last month I had about 9 days of watery CM. It shouldn't be this damn hard to predict what your body is going to do! "Comon' body, get into some kind of rhythm!"

I'm stickin' to my original forcast of Feb 11-14. Valentines day love! How cute.

RC2*CD 11

So the journey is about to begin again!! I've started getting my watery CM. I am trying to stay more calm and not so obsessed by it this time. I'm toying with the idea of not using the FTM. It's already asked me to POAS, but I have declined to do so thus far.

Lately I have been super duper tierd and I'm not sure why. It seems to start around 11am with a headache and then I get really tired. I've been getting enough sleep so I don't think that's the reason. I was thinking maybe I'm getting a sinus infection. Yuck!

RC 2*CD 4

Well here we go again. Gonna try out roller coaster 2!! Just sitting here during the most relaxing part of the coaster. No worries about CM, no phantom preggo symptoms...ahhhh feel the relaxation. I'm going to try and take that feeling with me all the way through. "Girl you be crackin' me up!!" Hey it's worth a try!!

So new goal is to lose some weight before bebe gets here!! I'm already too heavy as is, now add 15-20 lbs to that..... I'm gonna be HUGE if I get preggo! Why couldn't I have just kept the weight off when I first lost it!! Now I have to work so hard again and this time with a dead line!! Oh well, I'll just have to do the best I can do!

This cycle I have also started drinking a cup of chocolate soy milk to see if it helps make ovulation earlier. It was suggested to me on the bb, so I thought I would give it a shot! Cheers!

RC 1*CD 46*DPO 15

She has arrived! No invite, no welcome, but she still made the journey.

On to RC 2 (sniff sniff).

RC 1*CD 44*DPO 13

I still have some hope I might be prego!! Although it's not all consuming as it was before. I am still aware of what my body is feeling. It's so hard to turn off that fine tuning. I just can't seem to do it. Soooo here is the run down of symptoms for today:

1) breast swollen, but not sore like usual. Tingle and itch
2) having AF like cramps on and off
3) felt nauseas this morning. Thought it was cause I was hungry, but when I ate still felt nauseas.
4) grumpy
5) eyes stinging (but no high temp this morning)
6) feel sluggish. Could sleep for days!!

I think that sums it up for now. I'm just waitng to see what tomorrow's AM temp brings. I guess the DPO 15 temp is the one that will really tell me something. All these symptoms could just be AF or they could be the bean??? How confusing!! The 2WW is a cruel joke!

RC 1*CD 43*DPO 12

Well...I did it! I couldn't wait any longer. The psycotic pregnancy nymph had taken over my mind all I could think about was "Am I pregnant? Do my boobs look bigger? Why do I have a fever?" So she won. I broke down to make her quiet and gave in to the test....

Negative

Boo Hoo!!! I really DID think I was pregnant this time. If it wasn't for those darn fevers, I think I would have stayed a little calmer. Well, I guess on to RC 2. I know, I know...It's not over until AF comes to visit. Yesterday, I started feeling those AF cramps which leads me to believe she will be here to visit on Sunday or Monday. (sigh)

Well the bright side is I can try to lose some weight before the next 2WW. So off to the gym for some running I shall go!

RC 1*CD 41*DPO 10

Well here we are at DPO 10. Seven days to go until test day!! Part of me really wants to test early, because I think we might be preg!! The other half doesn't want to see a negative if my intuition proves to be wrong.

I still have the low grade fever today. Last night before bed it was 99.4. This morning it was 99.0. I have a feeling it's higher now by the way I'm feeling. Sluggish, got shivers and my eyes are stinging.

Although I get a fever during the day, it never stays for my temp time in the morning?? This makes me wonder? I haven't been able to find any conclusive information on if a fever during the 2WW means you could be pregnant, only the tales from the women on FF who've had them before they knew they were pregnant.

RC 1*CD 40*DPO 9

99.2!!! I wasn't feeling well last night so I took my temp and that's what I got! 99.2! OMG I'm frekin' out!!! Could this be the one! I feel like it is, but that has proved me wrong before!! It's a pretty good sign to have a temp like that! OMG! OMG! OMG! And when I look at my chart, it does look possible that I had an implantation dip!!

Now I'm trying to reign in my feelings of hope! But they have grown so much, that I'm pretty sure if this isn't the one, I will be disapointed. :(

Now exercising the will power not to test is going to be a challange!! I can wait till the 26th, I really really can!!