Twiddling my thumbs

Mood: high on enzymes

Pain scale: 4



Twiddle Twiddle Twiddle



Did I already say I can't wait to start??? I CAN'T WAIT TO START. Some days the times seems to slowly creep on by.



We have started a new way of eating. We are switching to an all raw diet! Yup, that means no cooked foods. It's actually easier than I thought it would be. The food is very good. I feel good. I've already lost weight. It's stupid easy. I am excited to raise a raw kid! I highly recommend this diet to everyone!! Raw food is so much better for you! You can actually feel it.

I'm the timing queen

Mood: Optimistic
Pain Scale: 6

Well, with all this spare time to practice reading my fertility signs and pinpointing ovulation, I would like to announce: "I am now able to pinpoint the week of ovulation!" (I used to have an awful time with this when we first started out.) I have somewhat unpredictable cycles, but I've come to find out they are either 35 days long or 43 days long. Don't ask me! I have no idea why AF can't decide on one or the other. And my luteal phase is almost always 15 or 16 days. So with this ammo and being able to read my CF better, I can almost pinpoint the day!! Hip Hip Hurray!!

But, in analyzing all this info, I've also come to find out that I only have a chance of becoming pregnant 8x per year compared to the average 13x. Damn it!!! I guess that gives me even more reason to look into the White Coats.

^shrug^ It's always something, isn't it?

Lesbianism is about to take over our community

Mood: Pissed off

Yesterday morning on the radio I heard a clip from a sermon that the Rev. Willie Wilson of Union Temple Baptist Church in Southeast D.C had given in 2005 about Lesbians. I almost crashed my car!! What the F*CK!! It's soo shocking to listen to. It amazes and saddens me that people didn't get up and leave, but stayed and agreed with his homophobic/chauvinistic views. I can't believe I didn't hear or read about this sooner!! Some of the things he says just make me laugh out loud they are sooo ridiculous!!

"My son in high school last year, trying to go to the prom, he said,‘Dad, I ain’t got nobody to take to the prom because all the girls in my class are gay. There ain’t but two of them straight and both of them are ugly. I ain’t got nobody to take to the prom'."
Rev Willie Wilson

I can't believe this man is teaching anything from the bible. From what I've learned from the bible he doesn't seem like a man of god at all! Ewwww it makes me soo mad! I've posted the clip below as well as an article about it in the Washington Blade. Beware, it may piss you off!

Lesbianism is about to take over our community
Washington Blade Article

Again I have to say "What the F*ck?"

To IUI or not IUI

So, it seems that the main consensus is to do IUIs this time around. Personally I would rather do our own at home. I don't really like to get Dr. involved unless we need to. I feel confident that my body can get pregnant on it's own. But, everyone else's need to have some control want to do it in a Dr.'s office. They feel like that if a Dr. is saying be here at this time it will seem more official than me saying I think we need to inseminate this week. It drives me crazy that they think I can just predict the day I'm going to O. Don't you think I wish I could?! It doesn't help me to relax at all.

Maybe going to the Dr. will be a good thing after all. Then I can blame shift all the cycle mistakes on her/him. Maybe there won't be soo much pressure. I tried to explain that I still have to call the Dr. up and say "I just hit peak. What time do you have available?" just like I would do to the KD, except in this route we're adding a third party and the office may possibly be more out of the way.

Oh well. *sigh* We're still checking out our possibilities and I'm a tad grouchy today. Maybe my words will have a little more weight in a couple months.

PS I'm also mad cause I don't think I lost any weight this week! Damnit!

Small Set Back

So our KD informed us he would like to wait a couple of months before proceeding on the baby making journey. He and his partner would like to get retested since it's been soo long since our last medical check ups. He also found a bank willing to do KD fresh sperm inseminations which also requires lots of tests and check ups to begin. Not so bad for me cause now I can really get down to my goal weight in time!

NEW TIME FRAME: November, December or January

I'm not quite sure which month we'll be starting. We still need to meet up for dinner and formally ask him again and go over all the feelings, questions and concerns involved.

J and I are considering using the new bank and doing IUIs instead of trying on our own. We're thinking this may speed up the process and help us to get preggo faster. It also takes care of the legal aspect as well. Of course there is a price tag with it as well, but it may be well worth it if it only takes us 3 tries.

So onto the hunt for a gay friendly OB who uses midwifes and works at Community Hospital of Los Gatos and takes our insurance. Whew!

Ready...Set....GO...again!!!

It's official, we are starting!!! I am very excited, but I'm also nervous!! I haven't reached the weight I really want to be. I know I shouldn't really worry about it, but I just don't want to blow up like a balloon and not be able to deflate after the baby is born! Yes, I know it's silly. Who has time to wait around to be the perfect size. After all 30 is just around the corner.

This month will be the dry run and then we will start the turkey basting in October (the next cycle). I'm currently on CD5.

I also know I said I wouldn't chart this time...but damn it I just can't help it!! I love to have that pretty graph to look at. Besides, I feel a lot more in tune with my body then the previous rounds. I've been keeping track and making mental notes this whole time regarding the timing of my ovulation. I don't think I'm as clueless as before.

Sooooo...put this link in your favorites, cause this time there is NO break. It's baby or bust!!

15 lbs and 69 days

...she said 69!

Well. I've got 15 lbs to go until the September deadline. I'm not sure if I'll make it, but I'm sure going to try my damnedest.

J shared our thoughts and plans of the upcoming prego marathon with KD the other day. We just planted the seed, we don't know if he still wants to participate at this time. I hope he still does. The question of my "condition" also came up. I ask myself that question as well. In fact it's another thing to worry about regarding "Am I doing the right thing?". Will I be a good mother if I do have FMS and I'm low energy a lot of the time? Can my body handle being pregnant? Will I pass it on?

I refuse to let it run my life!! I mean how many of you know me to let up when someone says I can't have something?? ***GRIN***

20 lbs to go

I've lost about 5 lbs so far. Only 20 more to go until the baby weight goal is met! Loosing weight is one of the hardest things I think I've encountered. It's sooo long term and once I make it, it seems I eventually gain it back just to start the weight loss journey all over again. It's a perfect plan for long term torture.

I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia last week. One of my first thoughts was, "What about pregnancy?". I've often watched, listened and read about the trials and tribulations of new moms and often wondered if I could ever muster up enough energy to care for a newborn child. This was before I even new I had a chronic illness that made me dead tired. I've been researching about the effects of Fibromyalgia and pregnancy and it seems possible, you just have to know your limits.

Check! Check! Check!

Wow. Looking back over that last post, I realize we have completed a lot of the goals on our check list!!

1) L. go down to one job (check!)
2) J. be hired by fire department (check!)
3) save for a house (bought a house. check!)
4) J. lose weight (check! I'm still working on my 25)

Soooo....that means all we have left is to pay off debt and get pregnant!! Wow how exciting! Our time frame is looking more like September at the moment. We are getting exctied as the time grows near as well as nervous! September will be here before we know it!

Kudos to us for completing so many goals in this last year!!

You could have been pregnant right now!!

Yes, we are still around. I bet you thought we dropped of the end of the earth!! Wow, it's been almost a whole year since we tried last. Can you believe that! Doesn't feel like it's been that long. Well I'm gearing up to start again. We were thinking sometime in April-May '06. We still need to bring it up with the boys and see if their even still available to be a donor.

Stats at the moment:
Me - working 2 jobs, hoping to drop to 1 in March or April
DP - working 2 jobs and attending the Fire Academy (yeah! next weekend is her last weekend)

Goals at the moment:
Me - lose up to 25 lbs. Work a regular 40 hr week.
DP - be hired by a fire department. lose up to 15 lbs.
Both - pay off debt. save for a house. GET PREGNANT.

So you will be hearing a little more from me. I haven't been charting and I don't think I plan on starting this time. But, I don't know what will happen once the mass hysteria hits and the obsession takes over. We'll see.

All I know is it's July 05

Been kind of depressed lately over the fact that nothing has taken root in my womb. It's hard to not be envious of those around me with new babies and growing bellies. I feel like it's never going to happen or that I will be too old to even start again...*sigh* I never thought I would experience that damn ticking clock, but I sure do hear it loud and clear!

Can I wait another 6-9 months before trying again? I don't really have a choice. Each time I get my period, I get a feeling of hope. Not sure if this habit from all those months of trying, but I still feel like I'm on that damn fertility roller coaster (not as intense, but none the less emotional)!

Maybe being a mother is not meant to be.

RC 3*CD 8

I think it's day 8, I'm not quite sure on that one. After being sick for about a week I kinda of lost track of time. So we are onto round 3. Not sure if we should try this cycle or not. Part of me really wants to, but the logical side says wait until things are a little more settled.

We review the pros and cons over and over again. It's so hard to make the right decision. I mean what IS the right decision?? I guess you never know until you actually make it.

I just want to be sure everything will be good for our child, I don't want to be trying to make ends meet all the time.

I know, everyone says there is no right time to have a child, but everyone will know that we HAD to plan when to have this child. I don't want to be critized more than I will already be about the timing of our childs birth.

AHHH so many politics in life. I wish I could just shut them all out and do as I damn well please!

Limbo*CD 14

Still in Limbo land waiting to start the next cycle. I feel like this break is soooo long!! In the real world 2 months usually goes by fast, but when in the TTC world the time just ticks by. tick tock tick tock.

So I'm on CD 14. I would guess I'm going to O within the next 7-10 days. I have stopped taking my temp and haven't POAS this cycle, so no info there. It's kinda nice to have a break from all the scientific rituals, but it drives part of me crazy not having any concrete visual data. KOOK!

I have also been enjoying my coffee & adult beverages during this forced break. I've lost about 5 lbs, but really want to have lost more by now. I suppose I'm having a hard time motivating myself to start running. YUCK!! (I know once I start it feels good, but just getting past that inital first week of self inflicted torture is hard). The controlling what I eat is going better at least.

One day we may have a baby. Seems so far away.

Limbo

Well just started to bleed, so unoffialy I guess I am on cycle 3. I don't know if I'm going to keep charting I think I just may try and see what happens without all the equipment.

We are supposed to try again in April, but that still remains to be debated.

Life has so many unexpected turns.

RC 2*CD 18*DPO 3

So I know for sure I ovulated sometime Jan 7th. I think even if the boys could have participated that night it may have still been too late! In April, I'm going to try and use OPKs as well as the FTMT. That way we can get a little eairlier heads up! It happend so fast this time! Wham Bam!

So I'm looking at this forced break as a positive! I've started losing weight and have figured out I can lose almost 15lbs before the next try!! Hip Hip Hooray! I don't want to be a fat mom! I want to me a MILF! So I think the motivation has finally started to kick in. Getting to the gym is still a little hard but I will make it there eventually! I want to look good for my belly pics don't I!

RC 2*CD 16

This is ONE time I wish DP was weilding a sperminating penis!

The Good: I got a peak reading today which means I will be ovulating today or tonight and that the soy milk experiment has worked!

The Bad: Today is Smalls b-day and the boys are unavailable.

Why body? Why? Out of all days you had to pick today to be it!

So we are out for this cycle and next. Why you ask next cycle? Since our necie's b-day falls in December (the only neice/grandchild on DP's side), we have decided to skip that month to make sure the b-days don't coincide. We are sooo nice!

So I guess we will be on a break for the next 2 cycles. Now I will just try to comfort my perfecly fertile egg as she bursts out only to be met by lonliness! sniff. sniff. I hear the loud ticks of my internal clock as youth waves goodbye!

RC 2*CD 14

I'm not sure about that prediction. As it goes right now I'm feeling pretty wet and ready!! I'm gonna guesstimate Feb 9th...that would be this comming wednesday. Hmmmm. It seems as if my cervix is getting softer and higher. I'm guessin' I should be seeing some EW very soon! Monitor was still at high reading this morning.

RC 2* Conception Advisor

This is what the all knowing FF Conception Advisor said about this cycle:

Conception Advisor
Ovulation Date:		Based on your stats you may ovulate between Tuesday 02/15/2005 and Tuesday 02/22/2005
Ovulation on Day #:		Around CD 27
(estimated)	Start of fertile Phase:	Friday 02/11/2005
	End of Fertile Phase:	Thursday 02/24/2005
	Start Date For Insemination:	Friday 02/11/2005
	End Date For Insemination:	Wednesday 02/23/2005

RC 2*CD 12

High, High, High.

That's the reading I got this morning when I POAS!! I was shocked. I didn't think it would be high yet, I was expecting low. Hmmmm, makes me ponder if that soy milk is really working (as I take a big swig of soy).

Last month I had 6 high days starting on CD 21. The month before that I had 13!! starting on CD 10. So who knows how long this high will be. My guess would be 5 more days then peak. I have been getting watery CM and that usually happens before the EW shows up. Last month I had about 9 days of watery CM. It shouldn't be this damn hard to predict what your body is going to do! "Comon' body, get into some kind of rhythm!"

I'm stickin' to my original forcast of Feb 11-14. Valentines day love! How cute.

RC2*CD 11

So the journey is about to begin again!! I've started getting my watery CM. I am trying to stay more calm and not so obsessed by it this time. I'm toying with the idea of not using the FTM. It's already asked me to POAS, but I have declined to do so thus far.

Lately I have been super duper tierd and I'm not sure why. It seems to start around 11am with a headache and then I get really tired. I've been getting enough sleep so I don't think that's the reason. I was thinking maybe I'm getting a sinus infection. Yuck!