Mood: More of the samePain Scale: 4
Just pondering what is next? I am soo out of sorts, I just don't know quite what to do with myself. Just trying to get by the day to day stuff right now. I'm trying to make a small goal for myself, cause I know that always helps with motivation, but can't seem to get myself going. It's hard to get out of bed just to face the new day. I know things will get better as time goes by, but right now time seems to go so slow.
I went to the kayak get together. I have to say, it was more fun than I thought is was going to be. I met some fun people. It didn't feel like a bunch of singles trying to hook up either. That was nice. No pressure. There is a bowling event this Sunday that I'm going to check out too. I was supposed to go to a Dinner last Thursday, but I just couldn't bring myself to go. I don't like the stationary events. I like the idea of having something to do, able to move around. Makes me feel safer. I have socialization issues. Working on that too!
I went to a Halloween party last Saturday with a co-worker. That was fun. I dressed up as an Ice Queen. I had some big white fury go-go boots I had to put to use. I love Halloween. Being able to dress up as something else. Role playing is ALWAYS fun!! No real plans for the actual Halloween yet.
15 texted me Saturday night around 3am. I'm almost positive it was because she had been out partying. She said she missed me. I didn't reply back. It was hard, but I think if I reply it will just reopen what I had to close. I miss her tons. She was a great friend. I wish we could still be friends.
J actually texted me that night too. I had contemplated hanging out with her, and I almost did, but it didn't work out. I'm sure it was for the better. I haven't replied to her either. I'm having a hard time not talking with someone I spent 7 yrs with. She WAS my best friend. It's hard to go through life without one. I wonder if everyone goes through this after a horrible long term relationship break up? Thank goodness there are no kids involved. I couldn't even imagine the stress that would cause. But I do mourn the loss of the family we (or should I say I) dreamed of. It's a hard one to let go. Sometimes it causes me a lot of sorrow.
My new couches are supposed to be delivered on Sunday. I can't wait. I'm sooooo tired of not having a living room!! Hopefully what they tell me is true this time (it's a different furniture store). They're not as awesome as the first set of couches, but I still feel in love with them when I first saw them. I think they will be good!
1 comment:
Hey - I just wanted to tell you that I think it's a totally normal thing that you're feeling...the fact that you shared your life for so long with her...I think it's only natural to miss her... just know that you are doing the right thing. And staying strong and not giving into her is the best thing you could possibly do for yourself. A word of advice, if I may.......I don't think you can take someone or something out of your life that had such a huge role, without replacing it with something else. You have to fill that gap with new friends, hobbies, interests, etc...otherwise, you will be thinking all those "miss-her" thoughts...and when you get lonely, your head and heart can do things it shouldn't. Do you have someone you can call when you feel not-so-strong? Someone who can encourage you and tell you over the phone or in person why it's probably NOT a good thing to see her? Anyway, I didn't mean for this to be so long - but, just my thoughts. I think you are handling everything very well, and you sound very strong!! I promise it will continue to get better. You sound like a great girl - and I'm sure you will find those friends you need right now, and a partner who loves, respects and treats you in every way you deserve to be treated. Good luck girlie :)
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