Cry Me a River

Mood: Sad, sad and more sad
Pain Scale: 4

For some reason I just can't seem to shake the blues. I'm unmotivated, cry at the drop of a hat and everything seems wrong. I hate even getting out of bed in the morning. I think I'm in a little bit of a depression right now and I'm trying my hardest to dig my way out. I just don't have the energy.

Last Saturday J and I met up to sign the papers. So it's official. We're done. I think this is probably the cause of my emotional state. I didn't realize I was still holding on to her in some way and now she is REALLY gone. I'm having a hard time getting rid of the feelings I have for her. Some people tell me they will never go away, but just lessen with time. Arg. Why did she have to leave it this way? She was sad. I was sad. It was all just sad.

I'm supposed to be going kayaking this weekend with a group of girls. I've never met any of them. It's an online group of lesbians in the area just looking to make friends and be active together. I need to make some friends so I told myself I HAVE to go...I'm kind of grumbling and giving myself dirty looks. You know the kind you used to give your parents when they made you do something you didn't really feel like doing. I really hope it's fun and not full of a bunch of freaky deakys!!

15 is trying hard to win me back. She came to my house last Sunday after I wouldn't answer her calls and proclaimed her feelings for me. I tried my hardest to tell her again that it's not her, it's me and I'm just not ready. Today at work she brought me a dozen roses and a card. She says she just wants to date me and that she misses me in her life. She says nothing serious, just once a week or so. But we are never NOT serious. We are both very intense. I'm not sure we can do casual. I told her I would chew on the idea. I'm trying to stay strong in my stance of only being friends. She is soooo persistent! What the heck did I get myself into??? I've added more drama when I don't need any more. Oie.

I had to cancel my new couches and I'm very sad about that. Right now the only place to sit is on my bed and I'm getting really tired of always being in bed!! I really liked them and I looked long and hard for the perfect ones!! When I first purchased them they told me it would take 2 weeks. OK. I can deal with that. Two weeks go by, I call. One more week they say. Week goes by, I call. One MORE week. They call me the fifth week and tell me they won't be in till the middle of November because the company is waiting for the color of material I ordered to come in!! OMG!! I can not wait any longer!!! I NEED SOME COUCHES!! So, I cancelled them. Now I have to find another set of perfect couches. I feel soo tired. I should have known, it IS 2007...the worst year of my life!! I can't wait till 2008!

So, not much on the happy front here, hopefully I will have some uplifting news soon! Ok...FINE. I will try to find ONE positive note (dirty look to self) hmmmmmm...

Nothing comes to mind...Oh yes...soon I will learn how to gradually ass 6 tablespoons sugar!!! HEE HEE HEE! I love it! Makes me laugh every time!